Slaying The Fear

Life is one hell of a scary prospect, and then you grow up and realize it's even more of an evil beast than you've ever imagined in your worst nightmares. There are those few who walk among us with peaceful, zen-like smiles of contentment on their faces, but overall, we all live with some sort of crippling fear that affects our daily existence. Don't make enough money? Well, you're most likely worried sick about how to put food on the table for you and/or your family. Wiping your arse with cash? Congratulations! You're most likely consumed by stress from that "lucky" promotion you nabbed, and all the responsibilities that came along with it. So the eternal question is: what makes a person happy and content on a full-time basis?

This is where a normal writer would begin to examine the question posed in the last sentence of the last paragraph, but I'm far from normal, and I'm not even a 'real' writer. The only purpose of this otherwise useless post is to stimulate thought in my stagnating brain and soul, and hopefully generate some energy that will manifest forward progress. To be even more clear, my ultimate goal is to figure out how to live life without being beset by fear on an at least once-per-day basis. Quite simply, fear sucks. Why not see what I can do about getting it the f%*k out of my life?

For now...
TWF

2009 Is Gonna Be Goooood

The winds of change are blowin', and they are blowin' fast and strong. I'm not just talking about the inauguration of our 44th president today either. No folks, things will be all shook up on Calle My Name by the end of 2009 as well. And I'm not just talking about a few minor tweaks either.

The first thing that will happen to me this year will be me making some money for writing. I can hear you all laughing at me through my computer screen as I write this, but mark my words, it will happen. I'm not going to tell you how much I'll make, because, well, it's none of your business, but suffice to say that what I will earn is both modest and ambitious (don't tell me what makes sense and what doesn't, pal). Next on the list is getting back in all-around shape. In other words, I will feel good in la cabeza, physically, and spiritually. I'm no historian, but I'll go out on a limb and state that nobody ever manifested their dreams while feeling shitty 50% of the time. I don't know, it's just a hunch. Finally, at least in terms of major progress, I will set plans in motion to be working for myself in 2010. This means at least knowing what sort of business I will be getting into, as well as meeting anyone I may be partnering with in my quest to rule the world.

So there's that. Nothing fancy, just direct predictions of what my main visions for progress are. And I emphasize the word "visions" because I can already see these things happening. It's not a matter of "If", but "when" during the year I can check them all off the list. Belief is a beautiful thing, people. I encourage you to give it a try sometime.


Mahalo,
TWF

Get Off Me

Some people seem to do what they want at a young age, then fall in line with the rest of the mindless idiots who like to blend in as they get older. Me? Not so much. I was much more comfortable blending in when I was younger, and now I'm really seeing the importance in being myself as I get older. If that happens to piss someone off from time to time, so be it. If my looks sometimes shock people, they can look away. Point is, I need to be happy before I can spread positive energy to the rest of the world

It's not like I set out each day trying to do or say something that will raise an eyebrow. I'm simply doing my own thing. Sometimes I don't dress the way people expect me to dress, and lord knows I have more tattoos than are accepted in most social circles, but last I checked I'm on this journey solo. I came into the world alone and I'll check out alone, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be told what to say or how to look. Trust me, you'll find a much happier Me if you let me be myself. There's just not enough time in this temporary existence to live for others. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not advocating a "screw everyone else" attitude, but I have to think about myself first. I'm finding that when I have inner peace and let go of bitterness, this philosophy always leads to me being better to others as well.

I speak with some disgust about those that just like to blend in, but the truth is that I can see where some of them are coming from. It's a pain in the ass to do your own thing all the time and not feel like you're fighting a war against the world. It really is. Just being boring and doing what's expected is a hell of a lot easier than having to explain yourself to people, deal with funny looks, etc. But there's no fun in the expected, you see, and I don't want to live in a world where the fun has stopped (RIP HST). Screw that. I want to look and act exactly as I see myself looking and acting in my dream space. How in the hell am I going to manifest my dream space if I don't start acting like I'm already in it?

HST

You know what I love? Mr. Hunter Stockton Thompson and his body of work. Freaking great writer that guy was, and a hell of an American rebel to boot. You know what I love even more right now? My new tattoo of Hunter S. Thompson/Raoul Duke (originally created by his career long illustrator, the great Ralph Steadman). God damn I love tattoos. Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. When I think of my favorite things I think of family, food, the beach and lot's and lot's of tattoos. Not only do I love the tattoos themselves, but I love when I catch someone looking me up and down with a look of disgust on their face. Well, when I say "love" in this case I really mean hate, but you get my drift. What in the effing hell is so wrong about a tattoo?? I JUST DON'T GET THE JUDGEMENT. If someone was carrying a piece of art with them would you look at it, and if it wasn't up your alley, as it were, just make an "I-think-more-of-horseshit-than-I-do-of-you" look? Of course you wouldn't. So why do some ignorant folks do that when they see a tattoo? I mean, without tooting my own horn, I happen to be a well educated individual that can discuss politics, history, world affairs and on and on, yet because I have tattoos some people immediately pre-judge me as a freak. Well guess what, idiots of the world that can't handle anyone that has the balls to not fall in line with what's expected.....SCREW YOU. I am going to continue with my passion, keep getting more and more successful, and eventually have enough money and power to literally put my middle finger in your face. Well then, have a nice day.


TWF

The Thing About LIfe Is...

...well, we all know it's a bitch, but I say it's a great experience. You know why? I'm not quite sure, because to be perfectly frank, I tend to tell myself life is great when things get a bit stressful, but that doesn't mean it's true. I mean, just because someone tells you it's raining doesn't mean they're not pissing on your foot now does it?? Generally I believe that life IS good even when I'm standing in a figurative pile 'o crap (cheers to the Irish), but how life is is awfully relative isn't it? For instance, I may be walking down the street in a state of total enjoyment of the sunny day that the universe has created, while another person is walking down the same street, maybe even crossing my path, cursing God and the heavens because he's been living on the streets for years and his skin is burnt to a crisp. All he wants is some damn shade. "Will this god damn sun ever stop torturing me", is screaming from his very core as he searches for shelter. I smile, he burns. Who is "right" in the way they feel? Nobody and everyone, that's who. See? Feelings and experiences are completely relative by nature. As they say, one man's trash is another man's gold. Ain't nuffin but the troof, yo....idiots. Ain't nothing but the truth.

Life is one big mess of people, all looking for personal happiness. Unfortunately, we each go about our quest for happiness in different ways, and rarely care about others along the way as much as we should. "Screw him/her" is an all too commonly uttered phrase I hear these days. It's like we all think there is a limited amount of happiness and positive energy to go around and when someone else has too much of it we become bitter. And yes, I have felt that way myself, far too often, but that doesn't make it right. Dammit people, can't we all just get along (queue fake tears)? Where is the love? Hmm, any other motown phrases you can suggest are welcome. On a more serious note, I have nothing more serious to say. Peace out to all my brethren across the world. May I be lucky enough to see you soon. Vaya con dios mis amigos.

Ps. I almost forgot to post a laugh-inducing clip for y'all. Nothing like Jean Claude Van Dam (he's gay) getting a woody on national TV. Here you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_0kKACp11Y&NR=1


Beun noche,
TWF

Sharpish

Hola,

What a lazy bastard I've been in terms of writing. I mean, what is this, my second post in December? Pathetic. Anyway, all is well in life and I'll be back with more energy in 2008. Hope you all have a great end to the holiday season and I'll see you in the new year.


Cheers,
TWF

The City Boy

I went to sleep early last night because I haven't been feeling tip top lately and I wanted some extra rest. At 11:15 PM I awoke to what sounded like wind blowing open our doggy-door downstairs. Groggy and not entirely convinced of what the sound was, I laid in bed for a few minutes trying to figure it out. It's not uncommon for the doggy-door to blow open and shut when the wind blows, creating a sound similar to a shovel or a dust pan grazing concrete, so I didn't think much of it. But as I started to fall back to sleep and still heard the noise, I realized that the weather had been perfect all day and was supposed to be for the next few days. Immediately my heart started racing as I realized the sound couldn't be coming from wind, although it was certainly the doggy-door.

At this point I knew there could be a problem brewing. I sat up in bed and determined that the noise was one of two things: 1. A burglar trying to get through the small door. 2. An animal trying to get in and having some trouble doing so. Truthfully, I was almost hoping for the former because I figured I could handle anyone dumb enough to try and enter our house through the doggy-door made for a small to medium size dog, and I knew that any animal trying to come in was likely going to be ugly and scared, thus making it surly and less than enjoyable to deal with. Plus, outside of dogs, cats and other domesticated creatures I'm not exactly Crocodile Dundee when it comes to handling animals. The uglier and less cuddly the animal, the more scared I am of it. So when one of the animals I first assumed may be lurking downstairs was a Possum, I nearly shat myself.

Standing on the top of our staircase, in my underwear and still half asleep, I mentally ran through possible scenarios that could be causing the stir. "There could be a massive possum, ugly as all hell with it's ribbed tail whipping back and forth, stuck in the doggy-door and staring me in the eye as I walked down the stairs." Or "Maybe it's a group of them entering the house, thus causing the sound to persist." That led to "Shit! What in the hell will I do if there are wild animals in my kitchen when I get downstairs??" A question that may have obvious answers for many of you, but for me, a guy who grew up on the beach with almost no wild animals, at least on land, within 10 miles of me, this is not something I can figure out on the fly, and in my underwear, in the middle of the night.

I was so troubled and unable to think that I briefly considered going back into the bedroom, locking the door, and hoping it (whatever "it" was) would be gone in the morning. Thankfully for my male pride, the drop or two of manhood that I still had at that point forced me into action....sort of.

I grabbed a flashlight and headed down the stairs, one inch at a time. I moved with such trepidation you would have thought I was approaching a lion's den.

We have a landing that separates our two flights of stairs, the bottom half of which looks directly at the doggy-door in question. When I reached the last stair before the landing, I knelt down to see if I could make out what was there. Still nothing in sight, but the sound continued.

At this point, I made a loud noise. Most likely the squeal of a little girl, but thankfully nobody will ever know. When the door kept brushing back and forth and I couldn't see anything I knew it must be an animal. A human surely would have been visible and/or scared off by my fearful cry. So I took a deep breath, and made the life risking (at least in my mind) final step onto the landing where I would surely be face-to-face with the viscous beast. I aimed my weapon, er, flashlight, onto the doggy-door and didn't see anything. What the hell? Then I pointed the light a few feet to the right, down the sliding glass door that connects the doggy-door to the wall. What I saw was two yellow eyes, a girthy body, grey fir and a tail with black stripes. A freakin' raccoon! Next to it, trying to push its way through the doggy door, was his equally wide companion. Thankfully, the varmint was too plump to force his way through, so the door just kept opening and shutting as he repeatedly tried to shimmy through the threshold.

After all that fear, all the "what ifs" that raced through my brain, my viscous intruder turned out to be a pair of raccoons looking for some grub. All I had to do was shake the flashlight a bit and they took off. But before they did, the one I initially locked eyes with stopped, sat down to itch his neck, much like a dog would, gave me a "I can't be bothered to deal with you" look, and casually walked away. I swear he was trying to show me up. Little bastard.

In hindsight, we practically set the table for those furry little creatures. Not only are our trash bins right outside that side door, but our dog's bowls, typically filled with food and water, sit right inside the doggy-door. The scent must have been too much to resist. I'm surprised I haven't heard/seen this happen before.

So there's that. I'm officially, and publicly, a candy-ass city boy. I haven't got the slightest clue how to deal with a wild animal, and I probably never will. In fact, I still don't know what I would have done had one of those critters gotten inside. I might re-consider the "go back in the bedroom and hope it isn't there in the morning" route, or maybe I'll "shoe 'em off with a broom" as Forrest Gump said his momma used to do. Either way, you can be certain that I will be scared stiff.


Cheers,
TWF
a.k.a The City Boy

Keep on Keepin' on

Hola folks. Como estan? It's absolutely gorgeous here in Southern California today. Not a cloud in the sky, the weather is warm, but still has a briskness to it, and the ocean is reflecting the sun as though it's covered in diamonds. Yep, this is why I live in Southern California.

It's days like today when it becomes crystal clear why I don't enjoy working in an office 5 days a week. Toss out all the politics and management issues and I'm still left with the reality that I'm living in a paradise that I'm mostly limited to seeing through an office window. Even worse, due to the energy that I expend while in the office, I'm not exactly feeling like going out and enjoying the landscape when I get off work. Quite the opposite actually. Not for long, though. My focus is entirely on what's next; where my path will lead me. Until then I'll just have to make due with the periodic breaks in my schedule that I get. It could be worse. Indeed, it could be much, much worse.

Here's a poem I found. Not sure who the author is, but it works for me right now.

The Search

The search for perfection
A roller coaster of life
More than a mere collection
Of happiness and strife

Memories fade, dreams shine bright
Things fall into place
When one learns not to fight
The path to the dream space

Where is My Mind?

There's no getting around it: I'm in a bit of a slump right now. I haven't quite hit my stride in my new position, my body is far from the form I'd like it to be in, and I've been feeling a little under the weather in the past few days to top it off. Seems like light years ago that I was feeling like the hand of God itself was guiding me through each day. Luckily, I've got enough faith to know that I have no less contact with Spirit right now than I do when I'm feeling on top of the world. Still, though, I have to get back to basics, and sharpish. It's no coincidence that when things don't feel right I'm not doing enough of what I enjoy. A number of posts back I wrote about how just spending a few minutes of quiet time each day can make a huge difference in how I feel. One would think that post meant that I was finally getting the point and wouldn't do myself the injustice of getting too caught up in the physical world, but no sir, I still go days without taking the proper time to center myself and focus on aligning my energy with the life I want to manifest. Frustrating as all hell that type of idiocy is, but my physical body has one hell of a gravitational pull towards all things not Spirit.

I have a tattoo of an Aztec Ourobourous, which in really simple terms is a symbol of the duality of nature (i.e., all things can be good and bad). It's not unlike the Yin and the Yang. This tattoo is very significant for me because no matter how close to Spirit I get, I'm never more than a few steps away from completely losing myself in the physical world and having to start over again spiritually. Suffice to say I'm painfully aware that if I don't stay centered, there will be enough ups and downs in my life to provide a course for the mother of all roller coasters.

So anyway, I'm far from being beset with negative energy, but I'm also very conscious that it's time to get back to the basics or I could end up running on empty. Reading, writing, playing guitar, focusing on health. All these things needs to become priorities again. Once they do, I'll be back to my old self and on track to manifest my dreams.


Cheers,
TWF

Against Me! Music Review

Been listening to the new Against Me! album, New Wave, recently. Well, I shouldn't make it sound like I've been listening to it everyday and giving it the attention necessary to write a proper review, but what the hell, this is my blog and I'll write half-educated music reviews if I damn well please. This is a freaking great album. The whole collection just has something different about its sound, and I haven't really been able to put a finger on what it is because it's more of a collection of uniqueness than one standout quality. Lead singer, Tom Gabel's voice has a bit of a scratchy, "I can only sing when I scream" quality to it, but I dig it and it seems to work for their music. Sort of makes you want to scream along with him, which makes for a great tension release and a few embarrassing moments when another driver laughs at your singing on the freeway. The drums are another strong point for these up and comers. Warren Oakes pounds his set like he has a score to settle, which makes for a very aggressive, yet catchy sound. Lead guitar, played by James Bowman, isn't exactly going to inspire memories of Kirk Hammett or Jimmy Page, but it's more than adequate and his ability to hit the high notes on back up vocals provides a nice contrast to Gabel's screeching rants.

As much as it pains me to say it, the jewel of the album is "Thrash Unreal." I say it that way because the song has been played to death on my local radio station (FM 94.9 for those interested in listening online....great alternative station), and that usually means a song is candy-ass enough to appeal to the masses. In this case, though, I think the radio has got it right. They chose the song that most appeals to the masses, but also happens to be the best song on the album. It starts with a simple riff that warns of much heaviness to come. Gabel's vocals and Oakes' drums quickly take over and it's a musical assault from there. One could easily mistakenly brand the song "mainstream" after hearing the group sing "ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-bada" during the chorus, but a quick listen to the lyrics of the song would expose that take as far from the truth. The song is in fact about a heroine-destroyed girl and overextended youthful partying.

Most of today's music is pretty run-of-the-mill crap, with super clean drums, way-too -predictable guitar and vocals that say "I need to feel important", but fall well short of their mark. New Wave presents something much more satisfying and original. Listening to it gives me the feeling that Against Me! really doesn't give a shit what I think about their music, but if after a listen or two I do like the album, then hey, they're happy that I do. I give this album solid 4 stars out of 5. So go an buy it, or download it if you're the digital type. Just make sure you write the band and tell them there's an obscure blogger out there who is promoting their music.


Cheers,
TWF

Thanks for the Lesson, Sean

Really not feeling the writing vibe tonight, but I do want to make a quick comment regarding the tragic passing of Washington Redskin Sean Taylor this morning. When is the NFL going to really step up and be responsible for putting a serious guidance/mentoring plan in place for the young men that join the league and become instant millionaires each year? Sean's passing from a gun shot wound to the groin and subsequent "massive blood loss" due to a severed artery makes two NFL players in the span of 11 months that have been murdered. Look, I understand that every human being is largely responsible for their own well being, but in the case of young professional athletes, I think the league they play for needs to provide a lot more guidance than the standard 1-2 day Rookie Symposium that the NFL and other leagues have.

More than 25% of rookie NFL players come from lower class backgrounds, and when they sign their rookie contracts they either become millionaires overnight, or at the very least are made vastly wealthier than anyone they've ever been around in their life. How are they supposed to deal with the issues that come with that money (old "friends" looking for free money, shady agents, drugs, etc.) without some serious guidance, and who better to provide that guidance than the people that are signing the checks? I liken this situation to credit card companies or mortgage companies that enable naive people to get into financial trouble. Is it really that worth the money to destroy a life? As humans, don't we owe it to society to try and help each other out? It is possible to look out for number one while also not dropping a number two on someone else.

That's all for today.


Cheers,
TWF

As the World Turns

Damn, it's almost been a full week since I've logged a post in bloggerville. Luckily for my sanity, I've written a bit elsewhere, but this is the longest I've gone without a virtual post since the inception of The Office Diaries in early October. I feel like I have to reacquaint myself with an old friend. I'd ask how you are all doing, but I'm pretty sure I only get a visitor once or twice a week. If I'm missing any regular readers, I apologize.

Today was my last official day as sales manager for my wonderful company (no sarcasm in that comment...). We finally found someone to backfill for me and to get paid too little for doing too much. Actually, to use the term "we found someone" wouldn't be entirely accurate. You see, despite looks in the eye and promises from my integrity-lacking boss, I was not involved in the hiring of this person. Not even a quick phone screen.

The company I work for used to be a very special place. Not only is the business side of it interesting, but the people that worked here were great. Everyone was a former athlete, had relatively similar interests outside work, and enjoyed being in the office. Now, nobody really cares. We still have former athletes everywhere, but the "love" is gone. People don't smile as much, interact with each other, or exude any sort of positive energy. You may be thinking, "Hey pal, most companies are like that. You should be thankful you had it good for so long.", and you're right, to a certain extent. I was really lucky for a long time, but that doesn't matter to me now, nor should it. As I've said before, it's all relative. Just because most places of work aren't enjoyable places to be, doesn't mean I should be ok with the fact that my company has gone from good to bad. Anyway, to make a long story short, this is exactly the type of behavior from management that is sinking this ship like Titanic. Managers that don't know a thing about what once made the company special, and don't care about people other than themselves, are hiring more people that don't know anything about what made the company special and don't care about people other than themselves. Ignorance begets ignorance. Selfishness begets selfishness. Thuper! What's even worse about this situation is that I was promised a prominent role in picking my successor. Did that happen? Did anything remotely close to that happen? Hell no. I was lied to, pushed aside like yesterday's news, and notified of the new hire via a cheap, classless email that someone had been hired to take my place. Yep, that's corporate America. Any takers?

But wait. There is a silver lining here. The timing of this hire couldn't have been better, because the person that I am now taking over for left last Wednesday for a new job, which meant that I would have been handling all of his business and and managing 11 people until a new sales manager came in for me. Now I don't have to worry about that and I can get busy gettin' busy with my new job. Yee ha! Mr. Me is a happy man. Part of this transition means that I was able to clear my calendar of all recurring meetings today. That's approximately 20 hours per week of meetings that no longer exist on my calendar......saaaweeeet! This new found freedom allows me a heck of a lot of flexibility in my workdays, which in turn gives me the chance to go to the gym during lunch every day like I used to do before I joined the ranks of management/slavery. And trust me, I need exercise right now like I need air. To say I've put on a few pounds in the last year is like saying Chris Farley needed to lose a few pounds. I look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and it's a new sensation that I'd like never to feel again.

So there's that. I suppose you could say I've mentally turned lemons into lemonade at work. I went through a bit of a rough patch, finished off by a less than professional situation, but now things are looking up. I'm a much better person because of my experience and I see great things in my future, regardless of whether or not I stay at this company. I can't wait to see what's around the corner and you can look forward to hearing all about it. And I do apologize in advance for that.


Cheers,
TWF

Excess...

...Is the word of the day for tomorrow. Excessive eating. Excessive love. Excessive football. Excessive drink. Excessive laziness. Excessive excess. Get the point? Thanksgiving is the only day of the year that I am able to completely throw guilt out the proverbial window, and essentially justify being a sloth.

This year, though, I have finally come to realize that Thanksgiving, and the entire holiday season, are simply wonderful times to take stock of everything that is good in life, which thankfully for me, is just about everything. I know, you're probably thinking that last statement about everything being good belies the tone of most of my posts, but as I've mentioned before, much of what I write is sarcastic, and I should make it clear that I am a very happy person. I simply use this blog as a forum to vent my frustrations in a way that doesn't generate much negative energy. Still, to change the tune for a day and write nothing by clearly positive prose, I will lay out an honest to goodness list of the things I'm thankful for. Because like I said, my life is pretty damn good and I feel like I need to put in written words what I'm grateful for. The least I can do for a universe that has given me everything is to give back a little positive energy via my blog. Enjoy your Thanksgiving peeps.

I'm thankful for:
-My wife
-My dog
-My parents
-My in-laws (not kidding)
-ALL of my family
-My health
-My job (again, not kidding)
-My car
-My clothes
-My education
-The teachers I've had in life (not just formal education teachers)
-The lessons I've learned
-My ability to walk and talk
-My ability to smile.....every day
-Sports
-Comedy
-Music
-This blog
-My spirituality
-My entire life. If there's one thing I've learned recently, I have a wonderful life and what I experience is ENTIRELY up to me. I look forward to experiencing the dream space I've known would be part of my life since birth.

Enjoy your holiday weekend everyone. I wish you nothing but the best.


Cheers,
TWF