"If you want a seat, get off and get on another train!"

Alright, damnit. Today, as is the case with many a Monday, has been a pain in the ass. I saw the world in Grey, people had scowls on their faces, and everything was either annoying, depressing or infuriating. Now that the workday is over, I feel much better, but I still don't feel entirely inspired to write. I really haven't the slightest idea what I'm about to type, but we'll see how it goes. Apologies in advance if this post is terrible. Regardless of the fact that I don't have a predetermined subject, I made a promise to myself when I created this blog that I'd make at least a small post every day that my free time is not totally booked, and I'm going to honor that.

I got back from Santa Barbara late last night on the train. The trip was great all around: good food, even better conversation and an overall enjoyable time with one of my best friends and his fiancée. But the juice of this recounting doesn't lie in trite details of my stay. N-O. This story, albeit brief, is about the fantastic folks of Amtrak.

First off, has anyone here ridden Amtrak recently, particularly in California? If so, maybe you can back me up on this. I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think that every disgruntled employee who ever walked the earth, regardless of their past industry, has been hired by Amtrak and told to go ahead and let off some steam. "Absolutely," the hiring manager at Amtrak must have said, "the customer is your friend....until you decide that they're not. When that decision is made is entirely up to you. Oh, and by the way, feel free to be as obnoxious and loud as you'd like. G'head....push the limits. We're not that interested in the happiness of our clients." Those comments, although obviously fictional, are a tiny, yet accurate reflection of Amtrak these days. What was once a hassle-free, peaceful way to move about the country, is now tantamount to traveling with 5 kids under the age of 10 (yes, I'm comparing the chaos of 5 kids to that of 100's of adults), plus an angry elder. The passengers are frustrated and antsy, and the conductors are aggressive at best, ranting over the loudspeaker about how the train is "standing room only, so DON'T BE SHY. IF YOU'RE SHY, YOU SHOULDN'T BE ON THIS TRAIN." Really? You're OK telling people, some of whom paid $50 to stand shoulder-to-shoulder for five hours with hundreds of other poor bastards(and without any warning that it might be that bad), that if their personality doesn't fit what you like they can get off at the next stop? Seriously? That's your customer service policy? Or how about this gem of an announcement: "If you have ANY of your personal belongings on a seat next to you, WE WILL IMMEDIATELY sell you that seat at full price AND give it to someone else." To me, that's where the conductor is just getting way the eff out of line, not to mention making illegal claims (could they really charge you for an extra seat AND proceed to give it to someone else??). I can understand that Amtrak wants to discourage riders from being weasels and "holding" extra seats just so nobody sits next to them. Those types are also the ones that cut in lines and are liable to take all kinds of other shady liberties to serve themselves in public gatherings. They should be tossed off the train if they pull that kind of crap after being properly warned, BUT that shouldn't mean Amtrak conductors should assume all riders are weasels. At one point, the conductor got on the loudspeaker, gave the normal pleasantries (read: taunting warnings) and said with some satisfaction that they had just "thrown two people off the train" (I wouldn't be surprised if they literally threw them off either) for "not obeying the rules." At that point, I was far past giving these Amtrak yahoo's the benefit of the doubt and was half expecting to be thrown off myself for something silly like putting my foot one inch past my paid business class seat zone or getting up to use the restroom....at all.

Ironically, this type of behavior by the Amtrak employees made for a train that resembled the Wild West more than it did an orderly, calm transportation service. Some people seemed to think that if the conductors were so aggro they would certainly accept some loud, obnoxious behavior from the passengers, which turned out to be an accurate assumption. Some of the loudest passengers also happened to buddy-buddy with the loudest conductors. It was not the most peaceful 5ish hours, to say the least. I can easily say that I've never seen such disregard by employees of a service company towards those they are supposedly serving. What a pathetic display. Unfortunately, though, it wasn't bad enough to cause me to drive the I405 on a Friday and Sunday for my next trip to Santa Barbara. Traffic really can be that bad here in SoCal.

So that's pretty much it. I hate to sign off after doing nothing but venting, but the train ride part of the trip was that bad. The sad part is that Amtrak is only going to get worse before it gets better. As gas prices continue to rise, more and more people will choose the train over any other form of transportation. And as our Hitleresque conductor said, "Folks, this train is run by CalTrans. They want as many people on this train as they can get. If you are in Coach, your seat says 'unreserved', which means that you are only guaranteed TRANSPORTATION, NOT A SEAT. If you want a seat, GET OFF AND GET ON ANOTHER TRAIN." I kid you not, she actually said that. At least she was being honest. If you have any similar travel stories, I'd love to hear them.

Cheers,
TWF