The Hunter in Me

Over the last few days I’ve struggled to maintain a positive outlook in the face of such frustration about my job. Once trusted colleagues are morphing into swine. Trust is scarce. Ominous overtones hover and fill the space between these walls. Change. That’s what lurks. Change is good, but why is it always so heavy?

Generally, I’m able to laugh off spells like this because I know that the future will be full of great experiences and wonderful journeys. Sometimes, though, I’m not sure laughter is the correct response. It feels like I’m in some bizarre Twilight Zone of an existence where most people are perfectly content living out their lives as drones, others are on the hunt, while I’m constantly seeking to manifest a grander experience. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? What will I look like when I finish shedding my current “skin?” How to interact with the swine and not become prey? All are questions that require answers. And more questions.

It’s times like these when the great Hunter S. Thompson is the perfect tonic. He’s the bacon, eggs, coffee, sports page and tall glass of Chivas on a late winter morning. Total comfort. The world outside reduced to background filler. I read his work on dark days like today and I’m reminded that despite the drones and swine there is a whole different world out there, full of people that want truth and inspiration. People that aren’t satisfied with status quo and don't hunt people for sport. That’s my world; where my road leads at least. Now I just need to figure out how to get there, and stay……forever. The next turning point has been identified. The course, however, is uncharted.

One of the things I’ve learned from Hunter is that it’s OK to write about topics that make me angry, frustrated, sad or engender any other negative emotion. I’m a positive person and I tend to want to write about things that are funny. The problem with that is that life isn’t always funny and I’m not always in a mood to laugh. I’m learning that just because I’m not feeling jovial doesn’t mean that I should remove myself from the keyboard and forget about writing until my spirits are back up. After all, that would sort of defeat the purpose of me using writing as an outlet for my energy. I never did, no should I, say that writing is only my outlet for positive energy. Furthermore, I could certainly make the argument that I need writing as an outlet more when I’m not in the best mood. Sure, this blog is probably a more entertaining read when I’m cracking jokes and being sarcastic, but, dare I say, this blog isn’t entirely for the readers. Ultimately, if everyone went away and I never had another person visit this blog again, I would still faithfully type away. I think it’s actually becoming part of me, which could be good and bad, and often both at the same time. Regardless, it means something and that’s more than I can say about what I do for 10 hours every Monday-Friday.

On that note, I leave you with a few quotes from HST that fit my mood:

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours."
Hunter S. Thompson

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Hunter S. Thompson